I looked through my daughter’s YouTube history. I’m worried.

Care & Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Do you have a question about care and nutrition? Send it here.

Dear Care and Nutrition,

My daughter (a young teenager) has started eating less and less. A few weeks ago, she was eating three full meals a day, plus two snacks. Now she eats two slices of apple for breakfast, and claims she’s not hungry enough to eat more than a small portion of her dinner. At school, she’s supposed to get school lunches, but for the past week or so, I haven’t gotten any notifications telling me she’s bought anything (her school uses an app system that alerts parents if their kids get anything). She rarely eats snacks.

I’m worried about her. I checked her YouTube channel last night (she realizes I’m checking her phone). Her view history is full of “diet tips” and “weight loss goals.” To be clear, she is a healthy weight, but looks a bit chubby due to her short stature for her age (although I never told her this). I’m not sure how to start a conversation with her about this without making her get defensive; All I want to do is help her.

-It is not necessary to lose weight, she is a teenager

Dear weight loss is not necessary,

You should gently confront your daughter about changes in her eating habits and the things she found in her search terms. Ask her why she feels she needs to lose weight; has anyone told her anything or is she just comparing herself to other girls? Let her know that it’s okay to want to be healthy, but that she doesn’t need to skip meals or count calories (and remind her that she’s a healthy weight now, and that no interventions are necessary).

You Can Encourage her to eat a balanced diet and exercise regularly instead of depriving herself of food. Talk to her about eating disorders and how dangerous it is for young people to restrict themselves too much when they are growing and need large amounts of food every day. Involve her in meal planning and help her identify good-tasting foods that will nourish her body without excess salt or sugar — plus some sweets and snacks for a treat. A guide to intuitive eating for teens Includes body positive tips for establishing a healthy relationship with food. Emphasize her body and make sure she is exposed to media and books that feature characters with different body types. Make sure you don’t say negative things in front of her about your body or anyone else’s body (and definitely don’t tell her that you think she looks “a little chubby”).

If she is not able to adapt to eating well rather than just adjusting no When eating, you should consider taking her to a therapist who treats youth with eating disorders; I’m not saying she has one, but you don’t want to wait until she does to take action.

-beautiful